Particularly, the one with ourselves. This is the most important relationship you will ever have in your lifetime.
If we do not have a healthy relationship with ourselves, we will not have healthy relationships with others and that is a fact. You could still have a good marriage or good friendships on the surface, but if two or even more, passive people co-mingle or marry you look like you’re having fun, but one in each relationship, or more likely all, have resentments they wouldn’t dare speak of or bring up with you (you are passive and they are too) . This breeds resentment, and while you shake them off time and again, there will come a point where it will seem unbearable.
This isn’t shaming you for being passive, though I think it is unhealthy, more to the point, it’s about our relationship with ourselves and honoring our true needs, wants and purpose. When we make decisions that revolve around the “people pleasing” habit (because that is what passive folks do,) we deny ourselves of pleasing ourselves in the situation, and ultimately in our lives. Always compromising and letting others have their way to avoid the argument or exchange is not a healthy relationship with yourself or with “them”. While on the surface, it is quite healthy for the benefactor because of your lack of regard for wants or needs, it’s incredibly unhealthy to live that way day in and out.
Some of the symptoms of this can be:
- A pit in your stomach after you gave in
- Obsessive thinking about your decision
- Likely, you are the one who reaches out to others first and become upset when you don’t get a response or the response is “k”. You feel dismissed, unimportant and not valued.
Read that last line again – “You feel dismissed, unimportant and not valued.” Please do not be surprised by that because when you do not value yourself you can never expect that someone else will. You are more often a reflection of how you turn up in the world. If you feel no one values you – is it because you are not valuing yourself and they act accordingly? If you feel that you are dismissed, could it be because you dismiss your wants and needs for their benefit? If you feel unimportant, could it be because you don’t show you are important by not stating what you want or need? And if you do at times, how passively do you go about that? Passive demands or requests are not taken seriously because I would bet those conversations aren’t spoken with confidence or without wiggle room for the other person.
How To Change it
In just a short time, you can book an appointment with me. Meanwhile you can grab a paper and pen and write and write and write, and don’t stop for 20 minutes. Write freely, openly and quickly, don’t bother with punctuation, spelling or be bothered if you cuss. Just write out your feelings. If you are concerned that someone might find or read them, write, scan, copy to a SDHC card and hide that – burn your writing and the scanned file on your computer. The SDHC cards are easy to hide as they are so small. Each time you write and that should be EVERY DAY, repeat the process. The reason I mention privacy is because I am aware that there are women and men who live with abusive people and nothing there is sacred or private. I have journals for sale on Amazon if you are interested. Here is a link to one
To your inner wisdom, you do this by meditation which I can help you with. All of the answers lie within you. I will be able to empower you to tap into that and more- all for your psychological and physiological well being.
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