What it Does
Self-talk will remind you of an occasion where you were acting out in ego or going way beyond who you are as a person to please someone you love, leaving you with regret and/or shame. I
t will also remind you of times that others have hurt you deeply, the words they said, what they did, and how it made you feel.
It will remind you of a time that you were abandoned by someone you loved and trusted or a time when you abandon someone that loved and trusted you.
It will remind you of your childhood and the negative side of your relationship with a sibling, parent(s), or relative – and of course, those who grew up in foster care and experienced this loss with parents/family on a very deep level.
It will remind you of any time in your life that you abandon an animal, your mind will remind you if hurt or killed an animal where you feel guilt, shame/regret.
It will remind you of your pet’s natural passing or being killed by another.
If you have lost a child, it will remind you of the details of that happening, and the same if you have hurt your child or killed your child/or another person and the details of that.
It will remind you of everything that keeps you in the loop of self-sabotage because that is what the result is. You could wake up feeling amazing, get started on your normal routine, and as soon as you take your focus from the tasks, it pops into your own mind reminding you of negative, hurtful things this never stops, and if you pay attention your amazing mood has vanished. I call it self-sabotage because your focus went from what you want to think about to what your mind tells you or suggests to you to think about instead and you, like nearly everyone else listened to it and went to the memory following your mind.
What It Doesn’t Remind You Of
Your accomplishments, compassion, empathy, and the grace you have given to others.
It doesn’t remind you of your hopes, dreams, and goals. It tells you that you’ll never accomplish them – don’t listen.
It doesn’t remind you of times you fed someone, hugged another person to comfort them, and show how much you love and appreciate them.
It never reminds you of how fully you have loved and worked so hard to create happiness for not only yourself but for others.
It never reminds you of the wonderful friends you have or your generosity and genuine kindness.
It doesn’t seem to remember any awards you have won, your GPA that you were so proud of, or the happy gatherings with family and also with friends.
It can’t seem to recall that time you did something special for someone and didn’t tell anyone about it – that could be giving money to a homeless person, spending more on your secret Santa gift to give a gift that you believed was worth giving, or that time you had a heart to heart talk with someone to help steer them in a better direction and offered support.
Has your self-talk ever reminded you that you are important? That you are loved? That you are so much more than learning curves, and that those past experiences strengthened your heart and your courage?
Forgiveness
Forgive yourself and if you feel strongly about it, ask for forgiveness from someone you harmed (emotionally or physically) and if given accept it with gratitude and forgive yourself. If you don’t get forgiveness, that is okay, not everyone is ready to evolve and move beyond that past – but you must forgive yourself anyway. I can help you with that if you need help. YOU must also forgive others, even if what they did was so painful, hurtful, and cruel, you must forgive them. I don’t mean to say “ok, I forgive them” That doesn’t work, you forgive from your heart.
You picture that person in your mind without judgment and let the feelings go through your body, stay calm, and let them rise out of you and forgive them. ( Information gathered from the book “The Untethered Soul” By: Micheal A. Singer) You may have to do this a few times but it will be a memory that no longer comes to mind.
Don’t call upon the memory to do this, only do this when it comes to mind and calmly forgive them from your heart. This is for YOU and not to condone or justify their behavior or who they are/were as a person. If you don’t think you can forgive them, I can help you with that also, just book an appointment with me using the link below.
Why Should I Forgive Others?
Do you want to be forgiven for things you have done and said? How would you feel if someone you hurt deeply said “I forgive you” and you knew they meant it? I think that would feel amazing and more so if you both discussed it and let them know how you have felt over the years for what you had done. Don’t make excuses for yourself or justify your actions in ANY way, simply accept responsibility for your actions, Don’t blame your childhood or your temper, your zodiac sign, or a third party because at the end of the day YOU choose to behave that way and YOU chose to act in a certain way toward them, so just take responsibility and explain how sorry you are and how your life has been filled with regret because you acted in a way that was not true to who you are. (If that is true).
If you want forgiveness you must forgive – it is a critical intention that will change your life for the better. I wouldn’t dare ask another to forgive me if I had not forgiven others. I have forgiven deceased people, and I have forgiven people who for years I swore I could not ever forgive that s.o.b. but I know I had to find a way to do that and I assure you it took work. If I can do it, I know you can do it too!! There are reasons that some things happen to us and not all of them are because the other party is as evil as you might think. Just as you are not as evil as another may think about you.
In Conclusion
Self Talk can be combated – Here are some tools that you can use – You may need to make a list of all the wonderful qualities about yourself, the good deeds you have done, and the love and compassion you have shown others. This list can be specific to certain memories, for example, if the thought is “you can’t accomplish …” Have on your list “My accomplishments” and when that thought comes stop it and remind yourself, by looking at your list of those- If the thought is about harming another – On your list have a section “The times I have helped others” and list them. You get the idea. Of course in traffic you can’t pull out your list, but over time you will have memorized these and can immediately reflect on them.
- As soon as the thought comes – stop it right away by thinking of something you have accomplished.
- When you helped another person
- What it feels like to do your favorite activity
- What is your favorite flower?
- What is your favorite sports team?
- Something that is the complete opposite of the self-talk such as “idiot” replaces with “everyone has done this, it’s no big deal”
- Repeat after me, “I am important and matter more than this thought”
- Oh, Hi Brain, I just want to remind you I don’t live there anymore, I live in the present and I need you to get with the times -Then laugh!
- As soon as the thought comes “Brain, you are being relentless and so I am going to be also until you recall all the good I have done, the compassion I have shown to myself and others”
- Do any of those every time. You can add to this list, please do, and make your positive list to suit the opposite of the memory and if there is something in those memories that you need to address, address them using your heart, if you can’t or need help, book an appointment with me at the mail link down below. Thank you for reading and I hope this content was helpful for you.
With so much gratitude for my ability to write these and so much hope that it helps at least one person – Lisa lisa@holistic-therapy.org
Punishing yourself or others is self destructive and painful. Lets heal that together.
Lisa Cliffe
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